This post basically applies to life, but for simplicity I’ll reference work.
If you work in a team, it means you work with other people. Different cultures, backgrounds, perspectives - unless your team is tiny or you’re all basically clones - there will come a point where you disagree or misunderstand each other.
When this happens, there are unlimited ways things could play out.
Fortunately, in the vast majority of cases, things resolve themselves quickly.
Otherwise life would really suck.
But inevitably there will be situations where one small problem builds on another.
Leading you or others into situations where you can’t even understand how you got there.
It almost feels like it’s always been like this.
Maybe it’s:
- You think the other person always makes the same mistakes
- You don’t understand how they could’ve voted for that political party
- Why were they so nitpicky in this one PR?
- Why do they always respond so slowly?
- Why do they do this, why do they think that?
- Wait, why don’t they like me? I’ve barely even talked to them!
It doesn’t really matter - these are all things that pile up over time.
What feels important to me could be completely irrelevant to you. That’s just how it is.
We’re not the same person.
People always want to be good. They want to be liked and get recognition. That’s just how we’re wired.
So assuming someone would knowingly put themselves in an unfavorable position? That’s rarely true.
We’re always weighing pros and cons with every decision, and depending on your responsibilities, you won’t manage to make everyone happy.
Most of the time we don’t even know what the outcomes will be.
Sometimes you knowingly need to put yourself in a position where someone will like you less for it.
Which of course isn’t the best feeling.
But that’s okay. This is how it works. Usually you made this call because you decided more people than not would benefit from it.
What I’ve learned in my life and it becomes more true every day:
The more transparently I share what I think, what I feel, and how I perceive things with others - the easier it is for me to get along with people.
Doing this will make your job and life more rewarding and fulfilling.
Instead of just being another face in the crowd, you form genuine connections with people. Some of them might even become your friends.
Opening yourself up and being vulnerable makes it easier for people to relate - it triggers something visceral in them. And they’ll do the same, at least a little bit more.
This ultimately brings you closer together and makes everything easier.
If you expect great relationships to form from shallow interactions that never go deeper and involve zero risk, you’re wrong.
That’s why it’s so difficult and takes a lot of energy.
It’s certainly not easy - to care, clarify, and reach out.
But that’s why it’s so rewarding.
It’s rarely wasted energy.